OK…I have been feeling a bit sad about having to write this particular post, but it must be done, and Houman reminds me right now that I have never felt sad about this reality before, so if I write it without fear of how it might affect another, I can write it as I would any Truth.
Let me start out with this thought: “What is Truth?” Lately, I have begun to wonder if Truth is nothing more than the integration of the duality of soul with Life… REAL TRUTH.
So… after that ‘aside,’ I will proceed with my Truth:
Houman, on March 24, 2010, shared with me something… it was his death experience…his suicide.
My very first experience of Houman came in this manner:
I re-experienced HIS ‘drowning’… while B was doing her bodywork on me:
I realized that I was experiencing the drowning of Houman, and he was looking up through the water/I was looking up through water, and he was happy… that’s when he told me he committed suicide.
That, of course, was when I thought: “wow…look at what we can tell ourselves 3 days after almost drowning” (like I did)… but, right after that was also when I then felt Houman to the upper right of my body and he again, conveyed to me without words, that he was present, in the same time as B and I, but on a different dimension, and that he wanted me to tell her that he was well and for her to not be sad about his having ‘died.’ He wanted me to tell her that he was happy to have left his human form behind.
As I said previously, I had no intent of telling her any such thing… even though I already had thought that she and the other Yogananda devotees I knew, via my landlord, were ‘a bit off their rockers,’ but in a loving way.
Also, as I wrote previously, B’s having told me that she sensed the presence of someone, was THE ONLY REASON I shared about “Houman being present” with her. By the way, “Mary” was what she received, she told me, and I will post a proper post about that, also, in time. For now, though, I just want to explain how I came to learn that Houman had indeed committed suicide, and that ‘what he told me’ was very true, even though it didn’t make sense to me at all…yet, I ‘believed him, nonetheless.’
PREFACE: I had known that he had been epileptic, yes…but I didn’t know the following that I came to learn, and which explained ‘his suicide transmission to me:’
1) The day he drowned, he chose to go into the water without his partner, Daniellah, who had gone on a walk…For an epileptic, swimming alone is a big “No-no”….
I learned that this happened from Dr. Gerald Bausek, M.D., Ph.D., when he came to island and asked me to go to Houman’s place of death with him. He told me that Daniellah told him that that was what happened on that day in July, 2005.
So, that explained part of it…but the full understanding came later:
2) Somewhat recently, I began to have bodywork done in The Puna District, where I now live, by Ms. Lilia Cangemi. When I first had work done by her, it was only because she was the new masseuse at my fiance’s friend’s chiropractic business in Pahoa, and Lilia was offering a special… So, I decided to give her a shot, without having met her. When I showed up, she was a tiny Italian woman…I didn’t expect too much, but she was great…I hadn’t had such a good massage since seeing B, before my move to Puna.
Well…NO SURPRISE…I went back to her for more, and in time, I told her about Houman and ended up learning that she studied Reiki through Houman! I didn’t even know he had taught it! I had only ever heard that he traded meditation classes for rent at the cottage.
She actually called him, “Dear Master!” Why, I was shocked THEN still feels weird to me. but of course, my ‘accounting to her’ of what I experienced with Houman was not earth-shattering for her to hear… yes, another ‘spiritual person,’ who didn’t flinch when I shared what happened… these were the people I had believed to be ‘off their rockers,’ and I was still coming to grips with the fact that there were so many on this island that not only took it all as ‘not too uncommon,’ but also seemed to think I should feel blessed…
Well…NOW I feel blessed, sure… I believe we all are, actually…but, then… I kinda felt like…geez…ANOTHER bodyworker I love having work on me, and she was close to him, too!
Yes, I was still in the ‘feeling a bit unnerved phase’ of it all…
Side point: Unnerved is a good word for going from soft atheist to full-on believer in God/The Divine Love, souls, reincarnation and Spirit guides! I feel as if my nervous system has been going through a metamorphosis…undoing all the learned allusions and making new connections…
OK…so…what happened to 2)?:
2) Lilia shared more info with me which explained further why Houman told me that he was not happy being human anymore…and why he committed suicide: She told me that he had traveled to India and had gotten a bad ‘bug’ there, and had become debilitated from it, and unhappy from that.. Why had B not mentioned that to me when I finally told her Houman told me ‘suicide?’ Maybe she didn’t know about it, or maybe because she didn’t want to believe he had committed suicide? She, in fact, flatly denied that Houman would ever do such a thing…(that is called ‘denial’) …In any case, there was the rest of that info….Yes, I could now tell others that the ‘suicide transmission’ made perfect sense, finally…
He must have felt a seizure coming on…Daniellah went for a walk…and he went for what he had hoped would be his last swim…ALONE. He succeeded, and wanted me to tell B, and now Daniellah, if she ever reads this, which I imagine she will one day, that he was VERY HAPPY when he ‘died,’ because he was SO unhappy in his body.
It all made perfect sense to me, finally.. I had heard he was tall and dark and handsome…and was an epileptic…but, suicide? “Suicide” came loud and clear from him to me…the first day – 3-24-10, and that evening, at sunset, where he was taken from the water…Houman doesn’t lie, I learned…Actually, though, I have never questioned what he has had to tell me, since learning about the three independent people he told about leaving some of his energy behind for me.
I don’t know why I have never questioned what he has told me…perhaps because I knew him ‘before’ I was born Mary Regina… Yes, that is part of two posts: one about why I believe in reincarnation now, and one about who that “Mary” was that B sensed the presence of….
Ok…really glad to be done with this post… thank you, readers… Houman is smiling, and having a little fun over the fact that I struggled ridiculously hard in writing this…he tells me now…”See? It wasn’t so tough, after all?” Again, he’s right.
In service to The Divine, with a little help from my friend and yours, Houman~
~ ~ ~
Here is a site (an old one?) with a little info about Dr. Bausek
Here is Lilia’s site:
Link to police report of his drowning:
This is where he chose to die. I was told it was his favorite beach.