paranormal, souls, near death experiences

Archive for May, 2012

One looong Almost-LAST post.

I shot this pic at the sacred shrine…That is the tourist plaque and that is my shadow on it, taken before I tossed the little piece of white coral onto the pile…

~ ~ ~  Edited on 5/21/2012Well…it’s time for me to wrap up my accounting of what I have “Thus Far” experienced of, and received from, the heart of the soul of a man previously known as “Houman E Emami” ~  Yes, kinda like ‘the artist previously known as Prince,’ except Prince is still alive, and took his name back 😉

Ah…comic relief, always something I have enjoyed tremendously.

Still… this blog has not been about anything ‘all that funny,’ has it?   It’s been about Life…the why’s, the what the Hell happened to me’s?, the OMG’s (Oh, My God!’s), and the acceptance of a completely different understanding of Life and Love, including a once-thought-by-me-to-be-impossible-by-all understanding of God and Souls.

It’s even been about other people’s encounters with Houman, during their present incarnations…something I never even thought about when I came back to leave my experiences in cyberspace…I only ever REALLY thought that someone might wonder about the co-author of the book, “Enlightenment Beyond Traditions,” and how I would be able to tell ‘them’ that Houman surely became enlightened, at least enough to be able to transmit his soul’s messages to someone who had never met him – in his past incarnation – nor someone who ever even wanted to – consciously, at least – have any contact with anyone ‘from the great beyond.’ That ‘being’ was/is ME.

How corny it all sounds now…funny, even…but, again, there is NOTHING funny about any of it…

SACRED. That is what ‘it all is.’

You dear reader, me, Houman, Teresa, Sasia, Alesia, Grigor, Babak, “B,” etc…. the entire unfolding, SACRED, and I still feel as if my jaw is recovering from ‘having dropped’ with awe that IT’S ALL BEEN VERY, VERY REAL.

Paradox…. All seems to be paradoxical.

We live in a dream, but we don’t, because we have free will in this dream.

We like to think we know all there is to know, but we can’t, because we are but only one piece of the whole.

We, like little children, get to know ONLY the following:

We are DEEPLY LOVED by that from which we came, but most of us forget this… and, we get to love one another as brothers and sisters…because we all came from THAT…in fact, WE MUST love in order to truly live on… each soul responsible for its own destiny, yet  it is also true that we are bound by the ‘all for one and one for all’ code of ethics…

We are separate, yet we are one. Even as I type all of that, I know that I only really know what I know and what I have been allowed to know… I live what I have chosen to live, and I will live what I continue to choose… and none of it is perfect, for without our perfect imperfection there is no  arena in which to Love.

We are mostly blind, yet some are given the gift of sight… knowing that no matter how much ‘evidence’ one can purport to have, there will always be those who are too afraid to see, or trust what another has seen to be the truth of this, because their egos hold them in prisons.

Before I came back to this blog, I asked Grigor, “B”, and Babak to consider notarization that Houman did, indeed, tell them (in Babak’s case, it was through a friend) …that Houman told them he intended to leave energy behind in that little yellow cottage along The Hamakua Coast, ‘for someone who would be coming to live there.’

Thank you, Grigor, for having whole-heartedly having said “Yes!” immediately.

Thank you, Babak, for at least having thought about it.

Babak ended up telling me, “It was not how Houman operated,” although he fully admitted to me that a friend HAD communicated to him (not B, nor Grigor, nor anyone they had spoken with about it) that Houman HAD mentioned that he had been working on trying to leave energy behind in the cottage for someone…

And, “B” …Well, she chose to remain anonymous…at first, I thought it was sad…but, now I think it simply is what she needed to choose…she likes to be private, and I respect that. I am headed that way myself…I used to have contact info on here, but have come back to eliminate all traces…because I finally got that most people wouldn’t believe this stuff if I had all three people in front of them hooked up to lie detectors…

I REALLY accept that now… even though many I have told off-line are grateful to hear about my experiences, but they are all people who either already believe in life after death or needed to be consoled…

I recall how militantly agnostic I used to be…not even able to believe in my own NDE…but, then Houman happened…and the three witnesses… I understand now that it was all meant for me, and those witnesses, and a few others who have already found this blog and contacted me…So, it is okay to have taken away my contact info.

So, I never got any notarizations, because only Grigor would agree to it…and I thought that one was not sufficient.

What I came to realize, though, is this: only some of us get to have these experiences…a few, like me, have them even if they never wanted to…I sure didn’t… until recently, I felt burdened by all of this…not sure what I was ‘ultimately’ supposed to do with this….now, I am at peace…I know I did what I was supposed to…and the rest of the impact is meant for my life… the people who were supposed to be helped or affected by my accounting have been…and I sense Houman is at complete peace with this now…

Grace came to me, and I was only a servant.  I continue to be a servant to The Divine, and live out my life as a seedling of God, exactly what Houman told me we all are…It hasn’t been easy…it’s been very difficult at times, but it is getting easier…because I keep coming back to the simplicity of his messages to me…

Underneath it all, underneath these veils we wear….we all are loved fully, by that from which we came (God)…. and we are here to learn about love…like children with perfect parents…

Even I, with Spirit Guide now, have SO many moments of learning still…I know there is still SO much for me to learn about…and I am so happy to be learning in this new realm. So many things I felt, I no longer feel…layers of fear drop away…and I am finding the truth… LOVE REALLY IS ALL YOU NEED…beginning with SELF-LOVE…

I am a toddler… finding how to walk… thank you Houman for helping me. I also want to thank “B” and “Babak” for their own choices… for following their hearts…for listening for Love as they need it, know it…

It’s funny… some people make movies out of things like this, because they are able. I am happy that I got to write this blog, that I touched a few souls, souls who needed to ‘hear from Houman’ via me… soft smile…

Jonas Elrod comes to mind. If you are unfamiliar with his accounting, I suggest you watch the Documentary entitled, “Wake Up.”  He, too, was ‘a happy agnostic,’ who found himself one day having visions and hearing spirits… I believe, somewhere in the film, someone he consults says that many like he and I are ‘being woken.’

It was a HUGE relief to me to watch the film, to know that these types of things have happened to others… those previously non-spiritual and non-religious.

OK…so, I got ‘that stuff’ out….

So…what is left to share with ‘you?’

Well… just a few tidbits…


If you recall, during my first post (Part I, I believe), I told you that “B” told me she sensed the presence of someone, and that was the only reason I even told her about my experiencing Houman…  she said the name “Mary” was coming to her. What she didn’t know was that I am the only child of six that my parents named fully after anyone… and, the person I was named after was my mother’s favorite nun, Sister Mary Regina.  My father, upon hearing what happened to me, and I too, believe the Mary she sensed that day was Sister Mary Regina, someone my mother wrote to until the nun ‘retired.’ My mother is 100% Irish Catholic. I spoke with  my Mom this morning! She lovingly recalled the Sister, saying how Sister Mary Regina was the only ‘non-yeller’ and such a good person.

So, it seems Sister Mary Regina was there that day to ‘help me’ back to having faith in God, but not faith in religion, because religion is something I will never have faith in…to me, it is SO personal… I am very happy, also, that I was able to help my own father believe in God…He had told me when I was young that he was also agnostic, but could never tell my mother that…Words could never describe the joy I have in knowing that because of what I went through and my sharing it with my father, he was eventually able to pass over as a full believer….Perhaps that is the most precious gift to me, actually…Yes, I think so.

About Sister Mary Regina, I look forward to one day knowing her soul better… I have sensed her presence many times, but she doesn’t speak to me in the same way as Houman… it is much more subtle and all-encompassing. More like a cradling…a deep motherly love. I have needed that along this journey!!!

OK…so…what else?

I learned from Grigor that Houman loved to swim, and not only was I on a swim team as a child, but it is my favorite physical activity…Of course, my near-drowning and his actually drowning are obvious connections.


While Dr. Gerald Bausek, aka The Soul Doctor, was here, I spent a day with my sweetheart, Michael, and Gerry and his wife, walking together to where Houman was pulled from the sea, because Gerry wished for me to go there with him to point out the spot…It was my third time there…

During our time together, three very unusual events happened, which all verified further for me the connection I have with Houman is very real. One would think I had been ‘given’ enough ‘proof,’ but please recall…I was HARD CORE AGNOSTIC! I had come to conclude that ALL people who thought they knew anything about God or life after death were nutty or confused about Mother Nature’s programming of us afraid-to-die conscious humans.  So, to have ‘received’ more proof was a good thing in my case…

I will list those three things  for you, that made it ever more clear to me that I had been ‘gifted’ …

1)  After we met up with Gerry and his wife, at The Waikaloa Marriott at Anaeho’ omalu Bay or “A Bay,”  we walked along the ocean to the place of our intent (where Houman was pulled from the sea). While we stopped to take some photos, Gerry shared with me that in his private search for more information about Houman, he ended up talking with a librarian at the Honoka’a Public Library, in hopes that she would know something of Houman, as that was the last town he had lived in.. BIZARRELY….and I do not know why I am still driven to use that word, because nothing phases me anymore, he shared with myself and Michael that he learned that Houman would often come in and ask if there were any new children’s books from India.

What was SO bizarre about this? Well, first, who would think that a man who taught meditation, and with no children, would want to read children’s’ books? Secondly, and here comes the ‘TRULY bizarre’ part… Dr. Bausek (nor anyone but Michael) had no idea that I was struggling with either working on a series of children’s’ books I have had in mind for years, or trying my hand at a screenplay! Michael & I looked at each other and later when we discussed it, I simply said, “Well, now I know which project Houman prefers for me to work on!”  (Please note: never had I even written online anywhere about my wanting to write children’s books.)

2)Sacred White Coral:  As we left the place where Houman was taken from the ocean, we walked back toward the resort, and while still walking along the waterside, I saw a small piece of white coral. Not knowing why, but ‘hearing’ Houman ‘tell me’ to pick it up, I did, and placed it in my right side pocket. We all decided to take the little walkway for tourists that led back to the resort’s building complex, in front of which both Gerry and Michael had parked our cars. This was my first time on the path, and Michael’s, too, as we had only previously gone directly to the ocean’s edge (past the pools and to the ocean sports’ rental area), and then walked to the left to get to the area Houman died at.

We walked a little way along the path, and ‘lo and behold,’ yes…BIZARRELY, what do we come upon?… ‘ancient ruins’ on our right-hand side, ruins that included prominently featured – in front of the remains of an ancient Hawaiian house – a large pile of white coral, each piece meant to represent a past soul of the ancient fishing village that had once flourished there!  I had never even heard of such a thing before!  I knew immediately why Houman ‘told me to pick up the coral.’ Without telling anyone else, I waited until the others moved on, took the coral from my pocket and tossed it onto the pile. Although I knew no one was ‘supposed’ to take away any coral from reading the plaque at the memorial, I had seen no sign saying that one could not add a piece, and so I did. I still wonder to this day if Houman had touched that coral also, and wanted something he had touched to be in a place that no one would disturb, as there was much development going on along the area where he drowned.

I have just now, for the first time, Googled these ruins and found the following, which I share simply to add depth here:

“At the Marriott Waikoloa Beach Resort, historic fish ponds and the ruins of the fish keepers’ stone huts are beautifully kept for their guests to see. These ancient ponds, many of which are still in use, are behind narrow rock walls that separate them from the open sea. The sluice gates, made from woven vines, are just wide enough to let young fish swim in at high tide and prevent bigger fish from swimming out. Built centuries ago to ensure that Hawaii’s royal families would never go hungry on their travels, the ponds were taboo to non- royals, commoners who ate the royal catch were executed.”

and from The Mauna Lani Resort’s site:

“Bottom samples taken from the ponds date the ancient aquaculture system to as far back as 250 BC. Some of the fishponds were created by walling off the pools’ natural access to the ocean. Makaha (sluice gates) were incorporated in the walls to allow for circulation of seawater, essential for maintaining healthy fish. The ponds were used to raise mullet, milkfish, shrimp and other sea life strictly for the consumption of Ali’i. ”

Addendum, added: One more thing to add here, after speaking with a friend: I SHOULD have mentioned that I am NOT someone who goes around picking up stones… the ONLY times in my life when I have ever picked up stones CONSCIOUSLY – for a reason:  One time was along the California coast in April 2011, when Michael and I gathered some for our meditation garden and once more I picked up a heart-shaped green stone from “The Green Sand Beach” here on island…it is not illegal to do so, as long as you do not take them off island, otherwise I wouldn’t have done so.  Just wanted to add that info in, so my readers know what I meant by ‘Sacred white coral.’   SACRED, because I ‘heard Houman’ tell me to pick up the little piece of white coral (as usual, without a voice or words…just knowledge being transmitted…no other way to explain that), and also sacred because he knew I would be discovering that memorial…

Here is the white coral at the shrine…where I tossed the little piece Houman ‘told me’ to pick up ~

3) Naupaka Flowers

SO…wouldn’t you know it?   We all continue along the tourist path, and THE ONLY flowers noted (with information plaque included!) happened to be Naupaka Flowers… Guess what? We JUST SO HAPPEN to live on “Naupaka Street.”  What does one say to that? NO KIDDING!?  Ok…

“No kidding!!!!!!”

Wow… sometimes I try to look at all that has happened to me from ‘my old unwoken mind,’ and I simply cannot believe my own reality… which probably explains why none of my siblings have yet to say “WOW!” to me about any of this… I seriously wonder if they now think…yep…what I USED TO THINK about others like me ‘now’ …”she’s ‘off her rocker'”… and, I even have a seriously Catholic brother…who has believed things I thought were coo-coo since I was 15…

UPDATE: He recently warned me about dabbling in the occult…I reassured him that I do not ever seek out any of this…it just all came, comes…I imagine he may re-read this one day… perhaps if I pass over first? If so…please know…nothing ‘occult’ exists… only GOD… all of the rest is a veil, and part of the school we live in here…

There is sadness for me in knowing that he will never be close to me again…he, in his extreme Catholicism, is afraid for me, I understand…I hope that if he does read this, he will know that I was afraid, too… it was scary… but, nothing ever came with fear…not even when I saw ‘beings of light’ when I had my NDE, even though I knew they were all-loving…so, I realized any fear I had felt after the fact was pre-programmed…and, so, not real…I hope he can learn to let go of that type of fear, too…. mine is falling away fast… thank God!

OK….so, there you have ‘the rest’ of what I am choosing to write about…I’ve decided to not write about anything else that may happen…because I get it…this blog served its purpose…it reached those who needed it, and it helped me tell the truth of what happened to me…by my being totally upfront and sharing the URL with friends and family, I benefitted more than I could have known…I learned to love myself through this…to accept myself…YES, this DID happen to ME…and I am not ashamed to tell any new friend…because not only have I survived near-death (a few times) but, I have also survived telling those I love what happened…for my own self-love, this was vitally important…I finally understand that aspect of this…

but. also like so many others who have had similar experiences, I have come to accept that not everyone can accept this stuff… it either threatens their religious beliefs or their own agnosticism or atheism…so, I FULLY get it…

…why should I expect anyone to believe me? Michael does, of course…Grigor does…”B” does…Babak does…Dr. Gerald Bausek and his lovely wife both do…and Alesia, Teresa, and some others who have written to me, but prefer to remain unnamed…

So, I think… why did I even bother to write this?

Simple answer…because God’s Grace blessed me, and it was SO unexpected, I felt the ‘calling’ to share about it all~

   OK…I think I have now covered the rest of what I wanted to share….also what Houman wanted me to share ~

I will leave all of this in cyberspace now, and hope that more people who knew Houman will come across this blog and learn what he was able to do…post death… or perhaps some who read his book (which I myself have yet to fully read…only because he tells me I don’t need to…but I have it and I will, some day)…

I hope those people will know that Houman’s soul still IS an integral part of the heart of Love… as are all of our souls, for ALL TIME….and that all that matters is focusing on growing more LOVE~

Stay OPEN-HEARTED, no matter what. I’m sure glad I did.

Namaste ….AND God bless you!

Mary Regina ~


Sweet Sasia ~ Beloved Daughter of Alesia and Robert ~

Beloved daughter and sister ~

Dear All,
I have received permission to post about another Soul who Houman has come to touch. A beautiful woman and mother named Alesia. She and her husband and their son lost, in human form, their Sweet Sasia. My accounting of Houman’s unending love for me, of how I was given evidence by him of his existence beyond death, of a love I have no physical experience of in this incarnation, other than having him hold my hands during our second ‘exchange,’ brought spiritual comfort to Sasia’s mother… When I received her comment from last August, I was returning to this blog for the sole/soul purpose of ‘leaving all of this in cyberspace’ for just such possibilities…for others who might “Google” Houman. Never did I think that one of those persons might actually have needed comforting post losing a child!, nor did I ever think ‘he/she/they’ might actually have met Houman…As you will read from the copied/pasted Facebook messages below, that is exactly what came to be….  Alesia told me that I could use her words as I, guided by Houman, felt fit to do ~ I feel it is right to have copied/pasted our communications in full. I have hope that reading this post will also help others who come across this blog… anyone who has had to grieve…
What is odd about me, in this case, is that I am 54, and I have yet to experience anyone REALLY close to me dying. In fact, the ONLY memorial service I have ever been to, so far, in my life has been that of an ex-husband’s alcoholic/demented-at-the-end grandmother…I had only met her once, and there was NO emotional connection, as she had been quite self-absorbed, so the service was simply a family obligation.  Funny… all of our lives are exactly as our souls need them to be…
Well, not much more to say, except that I know you must see from the photo above of Sasia, that her soul was attracting The Divine… I feel now that she always knew her role in this past incarnation as beloved daughter and sister would be as ‘teacher,’ and that the lessons for her family would not come until she left her incarnation behind. Much like Houman somehow knew he had to go, to be there for me….and others.
Bless you, Alesia, for sharing with All ~ Mary Regina

    23 hours ago


    • Dear Alesia, May I please post the photo of Sasia with the umbrella onto a blog post on my wordpress blog? I will be finishing my accounting on there Sunday night, and would like to add that photo to a separate post before I end the blog.  If I may, you are welcome to tell me what you and Robert might want to ‘say’ about her/Houman on there…also, if you only want me/you to say “Sasia” or however you would like me/you to refer to her.  I just wanted to be sure to ask you about this, as I feel that that photo, with the white light, belongs on there, and that Houman would like to see it there, too, if it is something that you and Robert would like also. If you want only words from you and Robert, that is fine, too ♥ Blessings, Mary

  • Alesia Regan-Hughes

    20 hours ago

    Alesia Regan-Hughes

    • Mary, Yes that would be absolutely lovely and perfect!  I trust that anything you are guided to do with the blog will be meaningful and will come from love.  What I would say about this whole unfolding from my perspective, is this: I “found’ Mary’s blog quite serendipitously in Aug. 2011, which is our daughter Sasia’s birthday month, when I was looking for something about Houman.  We had studied meditation and Reiki with Houman in the 1990’s and held him in our hearts over the years, even when he moved from the area and we did not see him anymore.  Houman is one of the most beautiful Souls one would ever encounter…. “Jesus-like” is what I, my husband, and our daughter Sasia said about him.  A couple of times, I “googled’ Houman’s name to see what he was doing, and after the first time I did this, I discovered that he had drowned off the coast of Hawaii.  We were all so surprised by this news, and wished that we had spent more time with him while he was alive.  Although his presence in our life was brief, he had one of the most profound effects on our lives.  I didn’t quite comprehend it at the time, but I know now that part of the reason for this would be revealed to us later, after our daughter Sasia, passed away.  The second time I googled Houman was 2 months after Sasia passed away, in Aug. 2011.  I didn’t know at the time what compelled me to do this…. partly it was grief, I suppose, as I looked for something, anything to help heal my broken heart.  It was then that I discovered  Mary’s blog.  Because we had been having butterfly encounters all summer long that let us know our daughter was around, the name of Mary’s blog “Big Island Butterfly’s Blog” caught my eye, and I knew it was significant.   The first butterfly encounter we had was at my daughter’s memorial service at Strawberry Fields in Central Park, New York.  As I stood to speak about my beloved Sasia, a white butterfly fluttered all around me the entire time I spoke, prompting several people to comment on it after the service.  Afterwards, we noticed white butterflies all summer long, a gentle reminder that Sasia was around and sending us signs.  So…. the name was significant.  Then, I read that Mary had previously written about Houman, but that she had deleted the posts…. I assumed that she and Houman had known each other quite well, and that the blog had been a way to help her deal with the grief of his death.  So, while disappointed that the posts had been deleted, I understood (or thought I did) that she wanted to keep them private.  I left a comment on the blog about how meaningful Houman had been to us, and left it at that.  I didn’t hear back from Mary for months, because she was not writing on the blog at that time.  When I did hear back, Mary explained that she had not seen my comment until  then, as she had just begun sharing some new blog posts about her experience as the conduit for Houman.  I read her posts with great interest, recognizing Houman’s personality and way of being through Mary’s words.  I knew something unbelievable was happening.  I also knew that Sasia was in the place that Houman was (and is). My husband and I have been touched and comforted to know that she is in Houman’s presence, and that our lives have been woven together with Houman and Mary for some purpose that we still don’t quite understand.  We do recognize that this unfolding is powerful and filled with love, and that the communications we have had from our girl since she passed, are real.  Since her passing, Sasia has visited us in meditation, letting us know that LOVE is the most important aspect of existence, telling us that everything will be OK, offering us guidance, placing people in our lives to bring us just the right comfort or message at the right time, and showing us a host of symbols and signs that let us know she is around and communicating all the time….. as long as we remain open, she is able to share herself with us.  While I can say all of this with great certainty now, it was not that way for most of this past year.  I have had many peaks and valleys of emotion and belief regarding Sasia…. one day “hearing” her speak to me in a meditation, the next day wondering if it was all in my head.  This connection with Mary and Houman has led me to understand that the communication with Sasia IS  happening and that there is more to our lives than the physical forms we take to be so real.  Our physical bodies will die, but LOVE remains. That is real. Mary ~ I realize this is quite long!  Perhaps too long…. edit as you see fit.  It is not easy to describe this unfolding that has occurred in a way that conveys the absolute perfection and beauty of the whole experience.  I feel like you have done a beautiful job, and I look forward to reading more.  I hope you will consider continuing to write more as time goes on…. your words are very inspirational. Namaste, Alesia


    18 hours ago


    • Dearest Alesia,  I am very glad that you wrote all that you did, and all will go onto the special post about Sweet Sasia’s Soul ♥ I feel the Heavens aflutter with Joy at the Peace in your soul, and the beauty of your Heartful sharing with others who will read about our amazing realities crossing paths as they have. As “My Michael” likes to say, there are no accidents. It astounds me to this very day that when I first met him, he didn’t run in the opposite direction when he heard about my experiences with Houman’s soul. Thank you so much for your encouragement in my continuing to blog. I have thought of adding poems, but perhaps I will add a new page for general spiritual-type items…IF anything of great significance comes up around Houman, I will add that to the main page, but I don’t want to ‘dilute’ the accounting, or make it hard for anyone new who finds their way to the blog to take it all in. Well…dinner time 🙂Leftovers! Yeah! No cooking night! Much love, Mary  PS: we WILL meet in these lifetimes that have crossed paths on the spiritual plane, I am sure of it ~ xx

  • Alesia Regan-Hughes

    18 hours ago

    Alesia Regan-Hughes

    • Hi Mary,  Lovely response.  Thank you… I do look forward to reading more if that is what happens.  I honestly don’t think you could dilute anything…. it is like Life when it feels so real, one is hungry for it.  You have a beautiful understanding of Spirit and I love all of your words, even the ones that you “post” on FB.  They resonate with me, so yes, I hope you do continue to write!  And, I know we will see/meet each other.  We will visit you and your wonderful home….. and meet your wonderful Michael someday in the somewhat near future. Much love to you!! Alesia

  • Alesia Regan-Hughes

    7 hours ago

    Alesia Regan-Hughes

    • I do want to add that although I have a knowingness about Sasia and where she is, and yes, my soul is at peace…. the human part of me, the mother part of me still mourns her passing and I miss her terribly.  I think it is important to acknowledge the physical and emotional part of us, and do not want to give the impression that I am completely at peace with this….. but there has been incredible comfort in knowing that she IS ALIVE in another form, and that she is waiting for us on the other side when we will all be reunited.  Without this awareness, I don’t know how I could go on. Much love, Alesia


    a few seconds ago


    • BIG SMILES to know that you want to visit ~ and, YES, about your times of sadness and pain!  That is important, vitally important, to include. We all think of pain as something to only be suffered…YES…Your pain must be experienced as it arrives…and compassion for self and all others who have suffered similarly must be felt from within your own heart. [slight editing from me here: Through ‘events’ such as Sasia’s and Houman’s connection, from your heart reaching out, and mine feeling your pain, I KNEW ]that I MUST share, so others may find hope, maybe even faith…something I never believed possible. I didn’t even lose anyone [ I was 15 when we moved to California, and relatives who passed since were ‘not in my life anymore,’ so grieving didn’t really happen, just compassion for their families]…as I just typed that, I get it…I lost myself…I had ‘steeled my self’ to believing in anything ‘non-human.’ Amazing Grace has been my favorite song since ‘the time I first believed’…so appropriate for me…my soul was lost, then found, through love…Love that spanned time and space. I am so grateful to Love…to your soul…and the joy I feel for Sasia’s to have experienced, to continue to experience YOUR heart…Well, she is very happy that you reached out…that Houman made such an impact on you.  They embrace…I feel it…their souls are dancing with joy. Thank you, Alesia. I will add in this ‘bittersweet reality’ that cannot be undone, but without which we would never know true love….   Humbly, Mary

Link to Houman’s book~ long preview available to read online ~

I sit here listening to just gorgeous music… a chant CD that Houman owned and loved, sent to me by Grigor – yes, THE very CD.

Here is the CD info :” double album on one CD”…  by  the group known as ‘On Wings of Song’ & Robert Gass -conductor :

1) om namaha shivaya   and

2) hara hara


OK…so, about the book that Houman co-wrote, and which “B” told me about after my first encounter with Houman:

I have just now come across this link.  Please remember that Houman wrote this with the now-named “Anadi’ before Houman left his last incarnation. According to Grigor, the drawings may be from either Houman or his brother, Babak, or a combination of both? :

Houman E Emami with his beloved Teresa & The Divine White Light~ 1996 Kathmandu, Nepal

Pictured is Houman, with Teresa’s permission. Teresa is one of a number of individuals who read my initial posts and contacted me. She shared some photos.  I felt Houman wanted this to be shared here ~

We both thank you, dear Teresa ~

I looked up auras to learn a bit more about them, as this photo appears to show something along those lines, and found this:

WHITE (CLEAR LIGHT):  very high spiritual vibration, godly, divine, inspiration, seeing spiritual big picture, compassionate

May 13, 2012 Mother’s Day: Reincarnation, and the paradox of Life and Death, Sleep and Waking~

Dear readers,

I have received a small number of emails from some who have known Houman or have read his book, “Enlightenment Beyond Traditions,” along with new comments recently posted in reply to various posts herein by me.   Please know that I do intend to write to everyone who has contacted me, and that all contact has been with the intent of thanking me for having come forward to share about my knowledge of, and from, Houman.

There are no words within the human realm of normal communications that I could possibly write to express the blessing I feel to have been allowed to convey Houman’s love, to experience that love growing the hearts of others; as his contact with me in this incarnation has been doing for my own heart.

As you know, from my earlier posts, I never believed in anything spiritual, let alone ‘reincarnation.’ Simply typing the word ‘spooks me,’ to this day. Yet, it is now time to share yet another contact that Houman made with me, a contact involving this very concept.

It happened one late afternoon in the cottage… yes, the yellow cottage…(as one of my correspondents described it, and one day/post soon I will, too)…and, yes, it is on Grigor Fedan’s property, on the lycee farm that he and his brother own together. I was in the bedroom wondering “Why me?” Why did he pick someone who ‘didn’t need this kind of knowledge?’ Why did I get chosen by someone I never even met?

He answered… with: we had known one another in a prior lifetime.

Houman continued to ‘tell me’ – as usual, without actual words…that we had been very close and that one of us died, before which he promised me he ‘would be there for me in the future.’ He went on to ‘tell me’ that he knew that I had been living a difficult life this time, and that now I would get to enjoy a long and happy life.

Just typing that feels as if I believe in ‘psychics’ …funnier still to me, as I am ‘the psychic’ in this case. Yet, I desire to be no such thing. Houman respects that I will not allow him to tell me anything beyond what I truly need to know. In that, I mean that I have asked him to not try to prove himself to me further, by telling me ‘predictions and such.’ He tried once and I asked him to stop. He immediately did.

I understand now that His purpose in coming to me in this lifetime was to awaken me to the Love I knew ‘before,’ and to reassure others who read this that he has had such Love with, whether it has been physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, brotherly, communal…what have you…that LOVE NEVER EVER DIES…and the beloved and the lover always remain ‘as One,’ because we truly are One, all children of God.

Let’s see…  the only other time that I have been able to ‘intuit’ what exactly happened between he and I in that particular lifetime was during some bodywork with Lilia Cangemi. While she was working on me about 6 weeks ago now, I ‘received’ that I was the one to die, and that he had told me, as I was dying, that he would be there for me in the future… I received from him that he told me that as I was approaching passing over from a very painful death.  I had some small tears upon learning that from him, but since then I know that ‘the tears’ were simply my own self-love that hadn’t, and still isn’t quite, fully-grown…I had felt then as if it were a sacrifice for him to have wanted to be there for me… to find a way…as if I hadn’t ‘deserved’ such love. I have since realized that everyone does. We are all children of God, none any better, nor worse, than the next. It is all only a matter of which role we play at any given moment ‘in time.’

Also, upon reflection, as I continue to hear from others who have been uplifted by what I have been sharing here, I continue to understand the answer to my question, “Why me?”  “Why did I get woken?”

It is this, as far as I can tell: I was woken in this lifetime because no matter what had ‘happened to me,’ I have always believed (again, in this lifetime) that nothing is greater than Love. No wrathful God, no greed, no amount of violence, no pain I suffered at the ignorance or wrath of another…nothing…  Houman’s Love, Love which has eclipsed time and space, and is beyond the belief of many, as it was even beyond my own prior beliefs, that type of Love can only be felt by those who are ready, in a particular lifetime… It is now working through these fingers, and this cyberspace, which we all find to be so awesome, yet is nothing in comparison to what Love can do.

The type of Love he embodied as ‘Houman E Emami” now breathes through each of us who have been blessed to be touched by his particular angel-wings, if you will: those who truly loved him, or have experienced him as I have in a past life, and some who have felt his presence simply via reading his words… that is the type of Love which nothing can stop. NOTHING. Yet, its very abilities to reach us also depends on OUR HEARTS never, ever ‘giving up,’  and always seeking to love more, via our human experience, no matter what.

What I have just written, may sound a bit like a puzzle… and, for that, I am sorry. It is my way of making sense of ‘it all.’

I only know that because Houman ‘proved to me’ his HEART…his SOUL… not only went on ‘post-mortem,’ but knew the future, I have chosen to accept his reply to my question.

So, reincarnation…yes…as ‘spooky’ still to me it is to contemplate… I believe.

Why do we reincarnate?  I have asked him and he has replied…in fact, only a few days ago now:

He tells me because ‘There is no Done.’    LOVE is never Done.


June 22, 2014: I removed the rest of my original post, the ending, because upon re-reading it, I realized that I added my own thoughts to what Houman told me, and the purpose of this blog was/is ONLY to ‘report’ what happened to me… I am about to share the blog and wanted to make sure it was clearly written, so came back to it tonight to re-read it for clarity …I saw some typos that I will not correct right now, but I also saw on this post that I ended up saying things about reincarnation that Houman did not communicate…So, I took down my own thoughts about it, because they went beyond ‘reporting,’ and that is not my place…

So, to clarify…

Regarding reincarnation…yes, I “believe” in it now, but I do not know if it is an option our souls receive for all eternity… I imagine it may be, but I don’t know… when he told me ‘There is no done,’ I assumed he meant reincarnation was forever, and then I wrote about it as such…but I don’t know that…and, I now do not feel it important to even know the answer…I do not ask questions of Houman any longer… because all of the questions I had for him have been answered…at least it feels that way to me…

Actually, as I type this right now, I feel him again… and he is glad that I have chosen to only publish what I received, and nothing more.

SO: What I KNOW:

I only KNOW that Houman managed to do what he set out to do… he managed to leave energy behind for someone he knew would be coming to live in the cottage he taught meditation in…and, that person was, apparently, me…

I KNOW I re-experienced his drowning/suicide and then received the ‘proof’ I needed to KNOW it was truly real, as real as it felt (the proof being my learning about the 3 separate witnesses he had separately spoken to of his intent to leave energy behind in that cottage, for someone who would be coming to live there).

I KNOW I ended up asking him why me?…and the answer was that he chose to help wake me, because of our having known one another in a past life… I also KNOW I do not have proof of that answer…but I also know that if I had had a choice, I’d rather have received the message that he went on to be an angel that God sent down to help me, someone who had not even thought a belief in God was ‘good’… but, no…I ‘received’ reincarnation…

It was actually unsettling to me, because it didn’t belong in either the set of beliefs I was fed as a child in Catholic School that Heaven or Hell is eternal, nor the set of beliefs most soft and hard atheists hold that this one lifetime is either ‘most probably’ all there is, or is all there is… but, it was the answer I got, along with “Love is never done growing…There is no done.” So, I then thought that meant that reincarnation was eternal, but I know he only meant to tell me that that it is why there is reincarnation…

So, I only believe in reincarnation as a phenomenon can happen, because he communicated that and because it explained the ‘why me’ question… but, I do not know if it happens eternally…

I had assumed it was our ‘eternal destiny,’ but he never told me that…I interpreted his answer to my ‘why me’ question… I interpreted the ‘There is no done’ reply.

This is part of what I wrote in my original post that shows my interpretation:

“We are eternally given a plane upon which to exist…a garden within which we can grow our hearts…from The Divine Love from which we all sprang. Like children being let out to play, to grow and learn, and then return each evening into the arms of our loving parents…”

It just came out of me…but it was not ‘consciously received by me’ from Houman.

So, I wanted to ‘correct’ that this evening… it was me, not Houman, who wrote about our ‘eternal destiny’ in terms of reincarnation. In re-reading this post today, I realized that all Houman told me was that he and I reincarnated and that souls get to choose… and that Love wants to grow… it was my ‘interpretation’ that reincarnation would be eternal…

I am not sure why I first wrote about it as ‘our eternal destiny.’ Maybe it came out of me because I felt so happy to learn that Love grows… and we get to help grow Love…

I hope all of that was’t too confusing…I can be wordy…

Basically, I had asked: Why me? He communicated about our past lives. I then asked, Why reincarnation? He communicated about growing Love never being done… and then I thought he meant reincarnation was forever… as reflected in the portion of my prior post in quotes above.

It’s interesting to me now…I see that I had become so spiritual after this all happened…after my learning of the 3 witnesses…I suppose because I was so non-spiritual before…but, time has passed and I am becoming much more balanced now… I felt a need to preach, I think… that is probably why I went into interpreting what he communicated.

Well… all that really matters is that I still feel extremely blessed, more so than ever, actually, as time has helped me ‘digest’ what happened to me…and, I know that I have been able to grow much more love since, both love of others and self…. What matters also is that my sharing what happened to me, about how I totally and completely unexpectedly (and, perhaps I can even say, against my will) was “woken” has helped some other people… and that truly is all that matters…growing more love…because as Houman told me…Love is never done.