Hello all…Aloha from The Big Island of Hawai’i.
PREFACE: I wasn’t sure how to title this note – I know I want it to be public, and searchable, so I had to put in Houman’s full name, although to this day, I do not know what middle name E is an initial for. I will have to call up his brother.
INTRO: Well… here is ‘my story.’ ALL REAL. My ‘account.’ is perhaps a better phrase, in that respect.
I am now middle-aged.
At age 15, I left the Catholic Church…I literally walked out and told my parents and five siblings, “I’ll meet you in the car.” Now…coming from a family that NEVER missed Sunday mass, with a mother who is 100% Irish Catholic, this was a serious offense in my family of origin. Every Sunday, thereafter, for what seemed like a year, my father would say to me,” Mary Regina, are you coming with us?” I would say, “No, Dad.” He would then proceed to tell me how unhappy my mother was about that, and I would say that I couldn’t change that.
Time went by…
Around age 41, I had an NDE – near death experience. A reaction to a muscle-relaxant medication I had told my doctor that I wasn’t tolerating well. He said, “just cut it in half.” Well…it has been my only trip in an ambulance, to date.
That night, I had an experience of a tunnel and two beings of light. In fact, I saw through a brick fireplace – it disappeared – beyond it, there were the beings of light…they were not frightening…in fact, I knew they were loving…I also, however, ‘knew’ that if I did not crawl to the phone I would ‘be over there with them.’
Having a loyal dog and two cute cats to look after, and a husband who was away on business and whom I knew didn’t give a hoot for any of them, I crawled to the phone in the bedroom, and got out the word “Oxygen.” Paramedics arrived, gave me some oxygen and on my way down the brick stairs to the curb, I began to pass out… I barely recall being placed on the stretcher…I woke in the ER, being told to never take that medicine again – which is one reason I now wear a Medic Alert bracelet.
Beings of light?
One WOULD think that I would have had even the tiniest of thought of maybe it was real?
Nah…I bought into the Psych theory that Mother Nature had all of us conscious-of-death humans programmed for such experiences, EVEN THOUGH I had been told about an out of body NDE of a grad school friend…a man who learned when he very young that he was allergic to shellfish. He told me back then that he didn’t tell anyone when he was little because he didn’t know it was ‘abnormal.’ I believed him…but, I didn’t believe me…
OK…so, I DID tell a few people ‘I had an NDE,” but I never believed there ever really were any beings of light ‘there.’ You see, I had myself FULLY convinced that humanity was better off without:
RELIGION, BELIEF IN ANY AFTERLIFE, “SPIRITUALITY.”
That’s right! I had decided that getting rid of all of that stuff, OR convincing EVERYONE, in time, that ALL WE REALLY KNOW – or can ever know – FOR CERTAIN – was:
1) We are alive.
2) Love is good.
3) War is bad.
so…best and only acceptable religion: “Make love, not war”
PLUS, I thought that if people believe in some ‘all-forgiving God,’ ‘THEY’ can ‘get away with anything,’ and that cannot be good.
So… looking back, I was very self-righteous, worse than some ‘believers’ I knew, actually, but I thought I was ‘right,’ in terms of what was best for ‘the-world-at-large.’
So…I went right on with my life…being 100% agnostic, and eventually telling myself that EVERYONE ELSE on earth was also, only some of us could muster up the courage of ‘accepting that we will die,’ without ‘needing’ a fairy-tale to make us feel better… and, yes, of course, I was one of those self-anointed courageous humans, who would help others realize that we all need to just be good, because it’s what we should be choosing to be, with or without ‘eternal life’ in the offing.
That is… until March 24th, 2010, when I was woken up by my spirit guide, Houman E Emami.
And here is the beginning of my accounting:
March 21, 2010: I almost drowned at Kehena Beach, in the Puna District on the Big Island, a black sand beach with no lifeguards and a long history of many drownings (which I learned after the fact). At the time I lived in a cottage in Ninole, on an 87 acre lycee farm.
It was my first time there…I only stopped by to cool off…Another woman was saved that day, too… truly treacherous 10-foot tall waves crushed me over and over and dragged me back under…it’s a miracle that anyone even attempted to save me…by the time I got out, I had black sand embedded in my hands, knees and feet from my having tried to save myself before I lost the strength to keep trying.
[5/7/12: Here is my prior accounting of that experience, which I have just found in a draft I had saved:
It all began when I almost drowned a little over one month ago today – March 21st.
It happened at Kehena Beach, a popular-on-Sunday- to-‘drummers’ black sand beach about 60 mins from where I live. My companion and I stopped only for a ”quick dip,” to freshen up, after a long drive through the nearby countryside. Little did we know that the undertow was notoriously dangerous, and we did not take the time to really look at what was going on in the water – if we had, we’d have seen that all swimmers were back behind the waves, waiting for a set of thunderous waves to pass, before returning into the surf…
With the 3rd or 4th wave I tried to walk through I was swept away into a washing machine-like cycle…and with each passing pounding, I began to lose my breath…
I went down and got spit back out about a half-dozen times…after the first two cycles, I knew I would probably not be able to break through on my own, as once I was pushed onto the surf, I immediately got dragged back into the violence by the pull of the wave’s water returning to its home. So, I called pleadingly to a tall, strong man I saw standing right along the shoreline… he was looking right at me when I called out.
I said with every ounce of humanity in me, “Help me! I need help!”
He, to what still feels like my eternal dismay, in a very purposeful slow and sad manner, shook his head back and forth to tell me ‘no,’ as if he could not risk it.
I ever so fleetingly felt sorry for his soul, even though I was an agnostic at the time, and realized I was on my own…
I ‘believed’ my only hope was a rescue, but had no idea how the non-existent lifeguards were going to get to the remote cove and save me. I thought it then ‘only’ a matter of trying my best to stay alive. I gulped as much air as I could before the next cycle began. With each cycle, I lost the ability to keep my breath in as long as I had with the previous pounding, and recall gulping water two separate times.
My last time down, as I waited to learn if I would actually surface before I could no longer suppress the instinct to breath, I thought that I might never come back up…
I did not allow that thought to frighten me, as I knew it would only make it all worse. Also, I had previously needed the Heimlich Maneuver – really – I recalled how , when I was choking, it had felt to me like what it must feel like to drown. I told myself that it wasn’t such a horrible feeling and that if I did drown, I would do so without fear or sadness, and probably pass out first anyway. So, I waited on my fate, while still holding my nose closed with one hand after my last breath, taking another beating and again ‘simply’ allowing my body to try to find its way up… I KNEW that if I tried to find my way ‘up,’ I very well could swim to my death, as I had lost all sense of up…
When I did finally float back to the surface after the last time under, I had either briefly lost consciousness, or my previously unbeknownst-to-me brave rescuers reached me at the same moment in time I resurfaced and could hardly believe that I was able to breathe again. In any case, there were THREE normal-sized adults in front of me, two men and one woman…one of the men had a boogie board, and the woman was telling me they were all there to help me.
At that point, as happy as I was to see potential rescuers, I really believed that there were now FOUR of us facing what seemed to be an impossible-to break-through undertow…so, I said, “How are YOU going to save ME?” I was thinking that they now needed to worry about saving themselves, as they had come out, but also now needed to get back to shore. They said that they would save me, and then immediately wanted me to hold onto the board and go directly back into the surf…I told them I could hardly breathe and needed a minute to catch my breath…
They took me behind the next wave before it was able to crush any of us… I cannot even explain the comfort I then found in the water…like moving from night into day. I caught what I could of my disappearing ability to breathe, then instinctively asked if I should get on top to the board, and if it would help if I kicked…they said yes, and I did…and with one free hand, I also swooped salt water behind me…as we all swiftly moved into position
They got me set up right atop a huge wave, and told me to try to ride it in… I tried, got pretty far, but not far enough, as I ended up behind its force…I thought, sadly, I might not make it after all they had risked… and then a hand reached out to me, the man attached to it shouted at me ” Grab my hand, and I was pulled onto shore… I never saw the face…
I staggered toward my companion, who had also had trouble getting back out, but successfully did on his own (due to his being strong and only age 40 (I was 52)). I distinctly recall feeling embarrassed about it all as I tried to breathe. After I reached him, I stood stoically, looking at the ocean that nearly consumed me…while still trying to regain my breath, and I saw another woman being rescued…
She was quite Amazonian-like, seriously… Young, taller (I am 5′ 8″), and she was very well-muscled…and to top it off, nude (yes, it was the clothing-optional beach! My first time to it, but I had stayed in my swim suit! It struck me as odd that she was obviously distraught, yet had been courageous enough to be naked…As she was also given that last helping hand, her distress grew more evident. She hurried away from her also ‘almost end’, sat down on a boogie board near shore and began to sob. Immediately, a tall man in swim trunks came and sat behind her and enveloped her with his arms and legs…
I felt jealous…yes…for not having someone there to do that for me, too…and, wondered if everyone thought that perhaps I was a bit too subdued emotionally, given that I was older and not as strong physically…I told myself that it had not been the first time I had faced death, and that that might be why. I was to find out, though, that I had ‘simply’ been able to stay calm through it, as I experienced waves of tears that evening and over the next days.
OK…so back to this post…
March 24, 2010: I had my first appointment with a new ‘bodyworker’ – first initial will be given only, as she doesn’t want publicity – she leads a very spiritual life – which I used to think was just her being ‘a bit off her rocker,’ but still nice. I arrive and tell her,” B,” for Bodyworker….this is really good timing, because I almost drowned 3 days ago, and I hoped to go to my favorite beach after the massage, to help get me back into the Ocean.
She gets to work, and I get to use the 90 minute gift certificate her friend my landlord, Grigor Fedan, had given to me for Valentine’s Day, as a lovely friendship gift. (He is ok with my using his name here.)
The massage and cranial-sacral stuff she is doing is making me feel SO relaxed…
I sense that it is probably almost 90 mins, when I “FEEL” the presence of a man I had never met, but whom I had been told before moving into my rental cottage some 6 months earlier had taught meditation there, and that he had drowned 2 years after moving out of the cottage. I knew that she had known him…but I didn’t know how well she knew him…
HERE’s THE WEIRDEST PART:
I “RE-LIVE” his drowning…but I feel happy…I “SEE” through his eyes…the water above, and I know he is happy about it…He ‘TELLS” me – without words – that is was suicide. He asks me – without words – that I tell her that he is ‘alive and well, on a different dimension, and that he loves her’ (I didn’t get the impression that it was romantic love.)
I think to myself: Isn’t it interesting the things our minds can conjure-up 3 days post near-drowning. EVEN THOUGH IT FELT AS REAL AS TYPING THIS RIGHT NOW DOES, I wasn’t going to share ANY of it with her, even though I knew she was – like my landlord – ‘a Yogananda devotee’ – someone I thought was nuts, but in a nice way… I didn’t even know if ‘they believed in such things,’ or if she’d think I was nuts, and I simply thought “I must be making this up, to somehow feel better about almost drowning,”, so my thought was to keep ‘it’ to myself, get dressed and politely give her the certificate and a tip as I left.
THEN…She (B) says, after not saying anything to me the entire 90 mins: “Gina, do you mind if I tell you something?” (Gina is my nickname). I said, “No, what?” ~ thinking she would say something like: “You take a massage well,” as the last masseuse I had seen – about 5 months earlier had told me…or, maybe she would invite me to lunch, as I had met her previously via my landlord…I had attended a kirtan at a beach with him which she also attended and a party she had played guitar at…but, we had never had extensive conversation…I did know that she had also known Houman, but even so…I was NOT going to sound nuts, and I had my mind/ego made up about that! So, I wasn’t going to share my unusual experience that was happening RIGHT THEN…
WELL….she said this:
“I sense the presence of someone. The name Mary is coming to me.” She went on to say that since she had learned that I had been an ex-Catholic (AND she knew I didn’t believe in anything, that I was agnostic), that perhaps it was “THE” Mary…mother of Christ…
I thought that was nutty, because I do not believe in virgin births… I should add here that later I realized she did not know that my given name was Mary Regina… and that I was named after my mother’s favorite nun from her high school years in Philadelphia.
So…I thought…what the hell? If SHE is also feeling the presence of someone, she certainly won’t think I am nuts now, so I told her that I had something to share with her…
I said: “Houman is here” – I still felt him to my upper right (at the time not knowing that that is a very common ‘place’ for ‘psychic’ experience of spirits to occur). I shared that he wanted me to tell her that ‘he is ok and happy and on another dimension and that he loved her.’ I didn’t know what to make of ‘being told by him that he had committed suicide,’ because all I had ever heard was he drowned. so I didn’t share that with her on that day.
She immediately cried a bit and thanked me very authentically.
Then, she told me that Houman, before he moved out of the cottage I was then renting, told her that ‘he was leaving some of his energy behind for someone who would be coming to live there.’
Well… I was ‘unnerved’ to put it simply…VERY UNNERVED. It was hard for me to get myself calmly into her bathroom to change…
I remember that I told her that I was ‘the last person on Earth who needed anything like that to happen to me, or to hear what she told me!’
She was sweet, but not at all unnerved…something I came, in time, to find not at all uncommon among Yogananda devotees, and all other ‘already spiritual persons.’
I had already earlier shared with her that I was kinda afraid to go back into the water, and had planned to go down to Hapuna Beach, but she suggested that I go to where Houman had been found drowning in July 2005. I was hesitant, at first, but she thought it would be good for me, given what had just occurred…so, I got directions and arrived there at sunset, which was when he was found.
While I was there, I got into the water where he last swam…and I received ALL of the same info…I felt his presence and he, again, told me it was suicide, but he was happy to be out of human form.
The only thing I knew about his physical health before this was that he had been an epileptic, but I heard that he was tall and handsome and strong …and, I had had a neighbor while a teen, who was epileptic…he seemed pretty normal…I had seen one photo of Houman and he WAS tall, dark, and handsome. Still, people with epilepsy can die, of course…BUT, I had no reason (THEN) to think he committed suicide. I had been told ‘he drowned.’
Well…after what happened while having the bodywork and then ‘receiving info again from him’ at the spot he drowned, on my way home I called up my landlord on my mobile phone and told him I had to share with him something very important. He told me he would make dinner for us (something we traded off doing now and then, since we were both single and living within 70 or so feet of each other).
I need to go back in time here to share that the landlord – Grigor Fedan, another Yogananda devotee, had joked with me twice…once before I moved into the cottage, and again in January, about my maybe seeing Houman’s spirit in the cottage. I always took it as THE FUNNIEST THING he knew to say to me, because we would have debates post dinner, sometimes, about agnosticism versus his beliefs… my argument was ALWAYS ‘you have NO proof.’
Well…that evening, I asked him why he had inquired in January as to whether or not I had seen Houman in the cottage… WITHOUT ME TELLING HIM WHAT B told me, he told me that Houman had told him he was ‘leaving some of his energy behind in a specific place in the cottage’ for someone who would be coming to live there…and, Grigor added, that it was supposed to be for ‘someone Houman would be working through.’
OK, so the ‘crying about it time’ began…earlier I had been UNNERVED… now, I was becoming UNHINGED EMOTIONALLY…
I had. on the first day of contact from Houman. gotten the same info from 2 independent people, who had not discussed this, and it was beginning to add up to what I ALWAYS SAID I NEEDED – Scientific evidence…well, ‘proof’ of some sort versus ‘just experience.’
So…time went on…
THEN, the third person ‘turned up.’
In this case, it was Houman’s only sibling, Babak, a nuclear medicine researcher, at a prominent University!
He came to island with his wife to build a white coral memorial to Houman in the black lava fields, across from where Houman was taken out of the ocean. (Unfortunately, it has been dismantled by others who eventually used the coral to build their own memorials, but it was there for a long time.)
When Babak came to island, Grigor asked me to go to dinner with them, so that I could meet him.
I was still very ‘unnerved by all of it,’ and not fully convinced, although in the meantime I had had more experiences of Houman, which I will write about another time…and they all seemed as real as my sitting here typing right now does.
In fact, I was STILL trying to put distance between what was happening to me and anyone new, so I asked Grigor to not even mention me…I said, “I don’t see any reason to meet him.” I was still trying to put distance between me and Houman, I think! his only sibling was ‘too close for comfort!’… I realize now that I, myself, hadn’t fully accepted it all…because it meant my whole life was changing…HAD to change.
Grigor went to dinner with them, and came home and told me that he ended up telling Babak that his renter had been visited by Houman, AND THAT BABAK THEN SAID, “Ah…so, THAT is who Houman was talking about.”
YES!!!! ANOTHER WITNESS!
It turned out that Babak had been told by yet a third person (not related to Grigor or B, nor anyone who had been told by them) that Houman had been meditating hard on ‘leaving energy behind for someone who would be coming to live in the cottage.’
Three ‘was the charm.’
THAT was the night I FULLY believed in my own experiences…and in everything Houman’s spirit had been telling me… which I will share in my next note about this.
I also have a number of add’l ‘pieces of the puzzle’ to share, as I continue to get out all of this…to leave in cyberspace…for all who know me to read about.
I know that each of you will make of it what you ‘will,’ as I used to do…
But, this happened to ME:
Master of Science in Psychology – Research emphasis!
IQ = 148
No mental illness, other than some ‘ADHD,’ which I really think is just me being left-handed.
A prior STAUNCH anti-spirituality person…someone who thought it was BAD for mankind.
But, now I believe… in God, in souls, and in reincarnation…
…more to come.
Thanks for listening to Part I.
Saying a prayer, 3-24-2012, second anniversary of Houman’s connection with me, taken by a couple… I went alone on that second trip to A Bay, where he was pulled from the water.